Three Cents Short of a Nickel

This is not the beginning or the end. Others have come, others will follow. You are not the first, nor will you be the last. You have to trust life. Life has a purpose for you. Everything will be ok. You have your whole life ahead of you. Don’t stress, it will only make things worse. Why don’t you talk to someone? It’s not you, it’s me. It will only make you stronger. Time will heal. You need to focus on other things. You should focus on your career. You should focus on yourself. Why don’t you join a class? You should try mediation. You should get out there. It’s time to move on. You should drink lemon with honey. You need to rest. You should take some Tylenol. You need more sleep. You shouldn’t be drinking so much. You should eat lots of garlic. How do you feel? Are you feeling better? You should drink mint tea. Let me rub your back. I’ll make you ginger tea. You shouldn’t smoke so much. You should drink less coffee. Don’t worry so much, everything will be ok. Having you been taking any meds? You should go out for a drink. You should eat something. Drink lots of water. You should wear a jacket, it’s cold outside. Just eat some plain rice. Just eat some bread with butter. Do you have an umbrella? I think it’s going to rain. How many times have I told you? You need to try harder. Are you even trying? Don’t worry, you’ll learn. Just try again. Take it slow. Don’t rush things. You can’t force things in life. If it’s meant to be, it will be. You should call him. Don’t talk to her, it’s too soon. You need to give it space. Don’t see him. Have you told her how you feel. I’ve been there. The exact same thing happened to me. Follow your gut. Well, what do you think you should do? I just want the best for you. I’m worried about you. Don’t over analyze. You need a hobby. We’ll have a girl’s night. You need to get laid. Let’s do shots. You’re way better than her. He doesn’t deserve you. Remember what she did? You don’t need that in your life. You need to concentrate on being healthy. You should eat less red meat. You should eat less processed food. You should go on a walk, it clears the mind. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t still care. Don’t take it personally. He doesn’t know what he wants. You can do way better. You should go fuck that guy. Practice makes perfect. You need to concentrate. You can still be friends. You need to sweat it out. Everything will work out for the best. At least you have your friends. At least you have your family. At least you have your health. Don’t give up. I believe in you. You can always talk to me. I know how it feels. We don’t have to talk if you don’t want too.

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I forgot the future, I lost my past in the moment

I forged a way through the barriers of my preconceptions. I allowed myself the freedom to live, but lost it in the realization of my existence.

Complication brings satisfaction, accompanied with unease. Grasping for what’s there and thus losing it all together. Pressure is an excuse, physical limitations are inconsequential. Trying to find the words to describe a feeling is fruitless. Everyone knows the answer but is unwilling to commit to the solution. Reveling in your weaknesses only brings comic relief. But straying from a familiar state, no matter how miserable, brings anxiety. How easy it is to despise others, those that lack the prized quality of insight, for which we feel superior, but there is also envy at the ease with which they live their lives.

We colour the world with a spectrum that has yet been proven to exist. And when we forget ourselves a true bliss emerges, a bliss that has been suffocated, waiting for the opportunity to emerge. Is it possible to find a balance? Do we need to lose one part of ourselves to gain another? To sacrifice that which we take pride in for what we ultimately crave. We know the choice we’ll ultimately make, we can’t help but make, it’s a part of us that will not dies, it’s a part of us we will not kill.

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Sun Variations

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(acrylic on canvas)

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City Trip

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(acrylic on canvas)

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Alex and the Ants

Alex is watching the ants. So tiny, like three periods put together. Dot dot dot. He learned about periods in school, it’s when you were supposed to breath when reading. “Patch sniffed the turtle.” (Gasp) Mrs. Craig’s told him he should just read normally and didn’t have to make such a ruckus about it. Acting normal while thinking about trying to act normal confused Alex, he doesn’t like periods. He follows the ants erratic movements as they traverse the desert of sand, a breeze pushing them back a days journey. Where are they going? They were all following some unmarked path. He lays on his stomach and puts his head down to take in their perspective, his hair gently caresses the surface and an ant or two make a detour up his locks. He gets on his knees and blows on them, they dance in a wild frenzy before settling back in their predestined path. The affect of this simple act fascinates Alex, a breath of air can create such disorder. He varies his exhalation, sometimes emitting such a gust that a few unfortunate ants go flying, but realizes that even the faintest breath still causes scattered scurrying. Alex’s mom is calling him. He stands up, attempting to crush several ants underfoot, but their tiny bodies sink easily into the sand to escape their demise. Alex is unsatisfied with his inability to destroy and stomps more vigorously in the sand. The ants disperse and he is unable to discern crushed bodies from granules of sand. His mother calls again. With annoyance Alex kicks an arch of sand in the air. He walks in a circumference around the spot where he lay, in an attempt to locate the mouth of their origin. He feels a tickle on his leg, he sees an ant that confused his smooth skin for the sandy terrain, the vertical being no hindrance, he crushes the ant between his fingers creating a black smudge. Alex finds the hole beside the tree roots, the ants pouring out on their path of purpose. He sees a twig laying by a bush and proceeds to ravenously plunge it into the  opening, black bodies being melded unceremoniously. The third call. Alex goes running, displacing a society in his wake.

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Manchester

 

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Pictures taken in Manchester, Ancoats neighbourhood and Saddleworth Moors, taken with Canon AE-1 and expired film,

 

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